Turning over a new leaf...?
I don't know what it is, but it seems as if I've had some sort of moment of...I don't know...clarity? I mean one moment I was just sitting there obviously procrastinating and I just suddenly felt withering. Like I had the urge to do something with myself, something productive, to stop putting off everything and start doing things NOW. It was like a sudden motivation of sort, I wanted to fix up and be different. Even though I sat doing nothing major all this time I felt tired...tired of sitting on my ass all day. How can I be tired when I didn't do anything at all?? So I think my mind hit a wall of some sort and just took a step back to realise that I wasn't satisfied. Even the thought of if I was to be gone in a second, if something occurred and I was asked "Are you satisfied with your life and what you've achieved?" what would my response be? I mean I ask myself "what have I ACHIEVED?". It's kind of sad to think of it really as I think that I haven't lived life to the full of its potential. Yes I am only 17 going onto 18 soon, but you never know when these things happen you know...I felt to do something with myself, and start immediately!
So the first thing I did was set up a fresh new calendar starting SEPTEMBER 2016. Since that it the start of a new (academic) year. In September, I start year 13, my last year of sixth form before Uni. Oh gosh...University!!It seemed like years away yet I am left with only one, and zero ideas of where I want to go. Obviously overwhelmed and haunted by the constant UCAS reminders. As well as this I start a new Saturday job for a year. Work with primary kids in the polish school I used to attend. A petty job paying probably £5/hour though I'm not yet certain on the wages. (You'd think THAT would be my priority). What else? Well I've set myself some goals for the month of September. Those of which include;
Well...I'm not quite sure how this will go but hell at least the thought is there right. Back to my moment of procrastination and the watershed clarification. The last point on that list got me thinking. I really love YouTube I spend most of my time watching videos, listening to playlists, getting "educated"...I can honestly say it's a passion of mine. I started YouTube before but mainly as a singing channel. Yet I think since then I've changed quite a bit and my interests have broadened and I'd like to rediscover myself in YouTube. Soooo... I deleted ALL of my old videos...a fresh start I believe. I hope that didn't affect anyone personally or anything. I mean I was and still am thankful for those who actually subscribed to me before (yes all 18 of you). It was something that gave me joy but now I've changed and I think my channel should grow with me, is that weird?? I remade a logo, kept the backdrop and created an Outro of some sort. It's slowly but surely unravelling. When I started this felt determined and happy. Something I haven't felt in a while but it worked, and all I needed was myself, my own will power. It really does sound funny but it really worked. To top that off look at me now, I'm typing this all up. Could this be a sign of my blog coming back? I don't know yet, I'm just typing this in my notes which is weird. It's weird because even though this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, and I know for a fact no one but me is reading this right now because I'm still typing, I feel like I'm talking to someone. Maybe I will post this who knows? I just hope that all this isn't a onetime thing...I don't want to give up this motivation so easily. Let's hope it lasts, at least a while.